The unofficial sequel to Powerwash Simulator in that it depicts the world that results of everyone having a nicely watered lawn. The kids are going to be making their oatmeal with human spit for the next few weeks.” Luckily, I could assuage some of my guilt by playing our next game of discussion, Endling (HURRH) Extinction Is Forever. Like after I’ve finished hosing off an entire two storey house all I can think is “Fuck, I probably used up half the state’s annual rainfall doing that. It’s just that, maybe because I’ve been living in California too long, I feel instinctively guilty playing it. But to its credit Powerwash Simulator pulls off all the little sensory details of sound and water effects that give something like this its satisfying popping bubble wrap appeal. I think VCD was a lot more intuitive in that a big violent red bloodstain on the floor of a sterile space lab stands out in ways that two square inches of soot on a gravel driveway do not, and didn’t necessitate a special button that makes all the remaining dirt glow like Spider-Man’s radioactive cum and which you basically have to constantly hammer like the Quicksave button in a Hitman mission. Nevertheless, there’s something very absorbing and zen about systematically cleaning a big thing, as was the case in the now classic Viscera Cleanup Detail, and I don’t know if I’d say Powerwash Simulator steals its throne as prince of the cleaning games. There’s no timer or puzzles or challenge beyond getting through a level without succumbing to the overwhelming urge to stop for a piss. Occasionally you solve the riddle of the more stubborn stain by pointing at the dirt for slightly longer. You point at a dirty thing until all the dirt is gone. It’s not exactly complex mechanical design. There, that’s my one gameplay issue with Powerwash Simulator. You know, like when you finally decide to shave off your whole beard and take a moment to playfully see how you look with a Hitler moustache. I was really going to relish the last bit. Meanwhile, if you’re doing a giant wall or a patio it’ll usually ping when you’ve still got a few square feet left, and that just gives me Dad game blue balls. 1% of, say, a wing mirror is like two pixels of dirt you can’t see so you have to spray a perfectly clean looking thing over and over like it’s a black man in the 60s who wants human rights. Move onto the next bit.” But there’s a big difference between 1% of a small thing and 1% of a big thing. Well, we don’t actually have to clean off ALL the dirt, once you’ve got about 99% off an individual component the game goes “PING! Fuck it, that’ll do.
So it’s a first person game where in each level you’re plonked in front of a building or vehicle of increasing size and complexity that appears to have been at ground zero of a volcanic eruption, we’ve got a high-pressure water spray and we can only move on when the true colours shine brightly anew and we’ve cleaned off all the dirt, played in an interesting historical cameo by the population of Pompeii. The same way the Home Depot lures me over to the power tools section by wafting in the smell of fresh sawdust. It lured me in with its promise of simulating good honest labour and the satisfaction of a job well done. But it was the game I sunk the most time into last week so I guess we’re fucking reviewing it. It’s not even a post-Dad game as defined in my Hardcocks Sheepshagger review because there’s no element of fantasy in Powerwash Simulator, unless you count the fantasy of establishing a successful small business in today’s economy. The word “simulator” in the title, gameplay based around a boring mundane job-like task and a complete absence of NPCs because it’s aimed at people who like being left alone to browse new HDMI cables – yep, it’s a Dad game. Want to watch Zero Punctuation ad-free? Sign-up for The Escapist + today and support your favorite content creators! This week in Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee reviews PowerWash Simulator and Endling: Extinction Is Forever.
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