Of course we all know that the divorce rate is between 40 – 50%, but most couples who marry don’t think it will happen to them. Regardless of whether one marries in a secular or religious ceremony most couples still believe that they are making a permanent commitment. “Till death do us part” can sound so romantic – but it can also sound deadly. With these couples, husbands have less dedication to their wives than the wives have to their husbands.
In addition, the research shows that women are at a greater disadvantage if they move from a cohabiting relationship to marriage. Deciding will be universally associated with lower risk because of the mutual clarity and resulting follow through. Stanley hypothesizes that regardless of income, race, and culture, sliding will be associated with more risk than deciding. If the couple later marries, it can be more of a “sliding into marriage” than a “deciding to marry.” As a decision to marry becomes less distinct but more of a gradual slide toward marriage, it blurs the clarity of the commitment. The nature of cohabitation presumes the possibility of the relationship not working out (and thus the commitment not being permanent). This risk might be partly explained by the lack of clarity and mutuality of commitment at the time cohabitation begins. Scott Stanley, those who cohabit prior to engagement score worse after marriage on virtually everything measured than those who wait until marriage or wait until after engagement. This tentative or partial commitment makes all the difference to their future marriage.Īccording to marriage researcher Dr. The presumption is that cohabiting couples have not yet made a firm and final commitment to be with this partner “till death do us part” or else they would indeed be married. Usually social scientists have compared couples who cohabit before marriage with those who have not. Much of the research on how commitment impacts marital happiness has centered on making the initial commitment. The two major stages of commitment are making the initial commitment and keeping the commitment. No longer are other possibilities a distraction.
Once committed, all one’s energy goes into making this commitment work.
No longer does the committed person need to weigh which person or way of life will bring more happiness. Although this might at first sound limiting, it actually brings great freedom and depth. Commitment means you’ve promised to stay and work it through, not just today but forever.Ĭommitment is a choice to give up choices. You may move on to another love if your current one has a debilitating accident or simply starts to rub you the wrong way. You may avoid a prickly conversation if you know the other person will not be around forever. It’s not just about saying marriage vows or having a piece of paper that says “marriage license.” Commitment is important because we act differently when we know that our futures are tied together. Commitment is not a very “sexy” word or concept but it probably has more to do with making marriages work than anything save common values.
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